In a 2012 interview, Denzel Washington described his father, who was a Christian minister, as "a decent man ... a spiritual man and a gentleman." But at the age of 14, Denzel's parents divorced, and from that point on he had very little contact with his
father.
Here's how Denzel described their relationship:
I didn't see him that much. Uh, the things I did, like sports and things, he wasn't really ... I guess being a spiritual man, or
just because he had to work so much, I didn't see him .... Once [my parents] were separated, I was in school. So 70 percent of the year, I was away. In the summer, I wasn't looking to track him down. I was ready to hit the streets. So you just kind of fade .... Not to say that I didn't love him like a dad. But we didn't play ball, those types of things. Next thing you know, you're at college.
Years later, Denzel flew to
New York City for a film project and his brother met him at the airport. Denzel said:
The first thing I thought was Mom died. And he said, "Dad had a stroke." That was April of '91, and he died in August. We started shooting around the time that he died. [pauses] I never shed a tear for my father. That sounds like a book or a song. I never
did all through the funeral and all that. There was no connection."*
It's a strange phenomenon, but often factual nonetheless; that pastors CAN and DO struggle with connecting relation-ally to their children. There always seems to be so much to do, that sometimes ministers get caught up in the busy-ness of pastoral work...to the detriment of
a deep relationship with their kids. It's not right...but it's also a fact!
After being in pastoral work for a good while now, I can say honestly that I have made my share of mistakes with my children. There have been times when I have gotten so caught up in performing the duties of my occupation, that my kids have wondered (to themselves,
and out loud,) why dad didn't live all of the principles that he preached about from the pulpit in terms of spending more time with those that he loved.
I took it to heart...and it made a difference! I made up my mind a number of years back that I was going to make more time for my family...no matter what. My family is FAR too precious to
leave them in the proverbial dust while ministering to everyone else.
I've come to recognize that time spent with them in "fully engaged" activities means more to them than whether or not I have put in an overloaded work-week. After God, they are my most important work on planet earth.
How about you? Spending time with our children and grandchildren is important no matter what our profession, and if you struggle with balance (like I still do,) you know exactly what I'm talking about.
I resolved to myself
long ago, that there was nothing "noble" about merely getting loads of things accomplished. I once pictured my future tombstone epitaph saying: "Michael Temple - He got all of his work done"...and it left me feeling VERY shallow!
- Yes, I want to get much accomplished.
- Yes,
I want to "do more" for God's kingdom everyday.
- Yes, I want God to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
I also want Him to say those words to me BECAUSE I CHOSE to allow Him to work through me towards the ones that I love so much!
Lord, help me to properly prioritize my life in such a way, that my family KNOWS that I am following You. Amen.
Have a great day and God bless!
Pastor Mike
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*Michael
Hainey, "The GQ&A: Denzel Washington," GQ (October 2012)